An Intro to My AutoBiography...

I was born in a moonshine still outside New Orleans. My birth name is Jean-Pierre DuBois, and I was to be the greatest spy in French History. My adoptive parents Jean-Philip and Babette DuBois were to train me in the art of stealth and government espionage, but shortly after my 15th birthday things would change dramatically. During my years as a trainee in the French spy game I learned many useful skills that would come to help me in the near future (hand to hand combat, weapons training and scores of other James Bond type stuff). But, back to my early childhood...


As a small boy, I was more interested in having fun and being the center of attention than learning how to subdue enemy spies and how to silence my 9mm; so it was about the age of 8 I made the hard decision that I must escape my parents, sever my French ties and embrace the American lifestyle. I had one close friend in the small French neighborhood we lived in, his name was Maurice and we devised a plan for my escape. We put our plan in action to build a small plane, learn to fly and I would escape to the North, into Texas. But, seeing as we were only 8 and had no money, this took us 7 years to complete.

During the 7 years of plane building we made extra money by working as hired muscle for the kindergartners and pre-schoolers at our school. In one particularly brutal incident we dished out 14 wedgies before the older boys would leave our clients alone! To supplement our "wedgie for hire" business we also delivered packages for the mob, this proved to be a mistake. A few months in the mobsters found our about our "wedgie" operation and demanded their share... we refused, of course, and spent a whole night hanging from a flag pole by our Muppets underwear as punishment for our insubordination.


We finally worked out a deal with the mobsters where as we worked as low level enforcers and delivery men, and in return they got us parts for our plane and a place to store and work on the project. By the time we were 11, we were all but running the French mafia in New Orleans... but that was about to change...


Maurice and I had many advantages that made it easy for us to run the French Mafia. I had spy training and Maurice was a legendary marble player, together we could sneak up on our enemies and put them down with a well placed marble to the temple! The fact that we were children often helped as well, after all, who expects to get whacked by a 6th grader?

The summer of my 15th birthday we had completed building our plane and were almost ready to fly it to Texas. Since my desire was to live as a normal kid once I got out of New Orleans I had to find a way to get out of the Mafia game as well. We told the Bosses that we were going to take our smuggling and gambling business to Texas to expand it and their gangster empire. Being greedy mobsters they agreed to supply us and let us head off to the north.

There was however, one more mission I had to complete before I could be free. I had to destroy all the records of my life as Jean-Pierre Dubois and silence Jean Philip and Babette, my French connected parents. The only one in my life at the time who knew me as Jean-Peirre DuBois was Maurice and he had already sworn his allegiance to me and would not reveal my identity to anyone (little did he know he would never live long enough to anyway). As for the Mafia guys, since they used me to boot leg liquor at first they began calling me the whiskey boy, and eventually they all referred to me as WhiskeyBoy.

Maurice and I set out to the back alleys of New Orleans to perform what we hoped was our last mission as agents in a life of crime. We located my French parents and they both fell to the ground blinded as marbles struck their temples. I quickly rushed over to Jean Philip and silenced him with a knife run over his neck (it was easy since he had often abused me during my training). Standing over the unconscious Babette I found myself not wanting to take another life. Instead we drugged her and dropped her off at the insane asylum after we burned all records of my life and their connection to the French secret service.


Maurice and I were ready for our trip to freedom, we should have known that we would be double-crossed… we were dealing with mobsters after all! The Bosses had decided to send another gangster to Texas with us, an enforcer we called Johnny The Fox. We knew they were planning to kill us to avoid giving us a share of the Texas revenue. Maurice and I decided we would go along right up to the point of takeoff, then ditch the backstabber and continue to freedom. Everything was going to plan; our plane was supplied we were onboard with The Fox and ready for takeoff. As we started down the small runway I signaled Maurice to carry out our plan. He fell over and pretended to become sick, as The Fox leaned over to help him, Maurice brought a knife up into his jaw. While the wound was Mortal, The Fox managed enough strength to stab Maurice in the chest several times before we wrestled him out the side of the plane. We were airborne and free, but Maurice died in my arms as we crossed the border into Texas.


I landed our little plane in an empty field about 30 miles north of Fort Worth and torched the whole thing to fully destroy anything that could tie me, WhiskeyBoy, to the DuBois’, New Orleans, the French, the Mafia or poor Maurice. I then hitched into the town of Fort Worth, with only a backpack and no identity. I began working jobs in the service industry and worked my way to the top of the local entertainment scene. And again, soon enough, things got interesting for WhiskeyBoy…